I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
