I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
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