I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
