i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
