I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
