So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
