Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
