It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Randomize
