I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
dude i'm inner monologue high
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize
