what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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