yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
