the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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