My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I woke up under a house in Key West
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
