What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Randomize
