just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
