I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I just want nice things and good sex
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
