i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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