like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
