Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
