Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
