Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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