dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
