Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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