As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
