I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
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