So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
You dont lie about slip and slides
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
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