There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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