You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Randomize
