I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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