we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
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