Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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