There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
