just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
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