Where are you?
In a non slutty way
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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