You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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