So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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