Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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