I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
