she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
