I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
