its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Randomize
