I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
