Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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