I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
God, you're like boner-b-gone
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
