I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
