I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
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