It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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