walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
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