i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
