We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
