He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Alive.
So much puke
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
